This is my original blog for all our non-caravanning trips since 2009 and more recently posts about coming to terms with being single again having been widowed in 2018. And anything else too really!

My caravanning blog is (Get Your) Legs Down and all our trips in the caravan are there. My grog blog is The Ale Archive where I list every beer I’ve ever tried.

Sunday, 9 September 2018

A Single Life | Going Out

Well, it’s been a bit of a roller-coaster of a week. Started off ok, then I had a grim couple of days, the wave came again one night, entirely unassisted by alcohol and there was even a point coming home one night that I thought I’d have to pull the minibus over, such was the intensity. Interestingly, the focus of the grief changed somehow - from my loss to that of Trev’s. Having retirement snatched away from him and the chance to kick back and do more of what he loved denied really got to me. I now much much he was looking forward to getting paid by the government after 50 years of the reverse!

Anyway, the week ended much better - Friday night after work I met with the college Chaplain for a couple of beers to discuss Trev’s memorial service. Saturday, after a couple of hours work in the morning I met up with some friends in Brighton for grub and as it turned out, rather too much grog!

Graham & Robert were the guys who introduced us to caravanning and have recently started a new life in Spain making the most of their early retirement. Anyway we had a fantastic afternoon. And evening. It’s ages since I’ve been in Brighton - except behind the wheel of a minibus - and really enjoyed our trawl around some of Brighton's bars. I can tell you I paid the price today and have been extremely lazy!

What made the day all the more special though was that the wave didn’t come last night when I got in - as it has so often after a evening out. A pattern seemed to be emerging that tears would follow almost as if the mind was subconsciously punishing me for having a good time. I’m glad that cycle appears to have been broken I can tell you though I wouldn’t be selling them shares in Kleenex just yet!

So, as you will have deduced from the title I’m going talk about going out and how different it now is now there’s only one of us.

Trips away in the caravan aside, Trev and I didn't go out that much, and when we did it was always together. My first visit to a pub on my own - for many years anyway - was very weird indeed. I’ve still yet to go into our club - despite the fact that I know everyone will be nice and the Harvey's Best will be as excellent as usual. It’s just another hurdle though and I’ll know when the time is right.

Since being home I’ve been inundated with invitations to pubs, drinks, dinners and parties - proof not that it’s needed-  that I have a great circle of very caring friends. All have been very enjoyable but it has been interesting now there’s just me. You see - and I really don’t have to tell you this - Trev liked to talk. A lot! He was never short of a subject and I’m sure he had a phobia of silence - although as someone suggested, maybe it was a touch of nerves. Anyway, the point is that I could be quite a lazy conversationalist, happily letting Trev do the talking. So now, particularly on occasions when it’s been just me and someone else, I’ve had to make much more of an effort - and that’s actually been quite satisfying.

Going from one extreme to the other and a party - arranged long before Trev died, I did  consider not going, but did and overall it was a very good experience. Most of the people there I knew and Lou had made up a lovely photo collage of Trev too. I got talking too to another widow and that was immensely helpful. There were odd moments though - just moments - when I did feel extremely lonely. Thankfully they passed as quick as they came but again there was that reminder.

There’s more to come too. Dinner at a fellow drivers’ next week with his family then a day in the smoke the following weekend for a bit of wander and no doubt an ale or two before a footy match. Then in a month there’s the christening and I’ve had second thoughts and WILL now be staying overnight. And before we know it will be half -term - and that means Patsy time! Really looking forward to that. I’m determined not to sit at home and mope - Trev wouldn’t want that and I don’t either!




  1. I'm quite sure that Trev would not want you moping around feeling lonely. You are right to get out but also give yourself time. There is no rush and people will not be offended if you don't feel like socialising.
    You will always have someone to talk to weather that's a virtual friend or an actual one. You have a massive circle which is due to your and Trev's personalities and the plain and simple fact you are just a real nice guy.
    We will hopefully get to meet at a future Twitter Camp.
    I wish you all the best and good luck.

  2. Hello Rich no Trevor would not want you to sit at home. He would want to to carry on making the most of your time off. And you are right it does make you feel angry that he was robbed of his retirement. Take each day as it comes love Juliet

  3. You are doing so well, pushing yourself forward when the easiest thing is is hide away and wallow. Don't be surprised if you get set backs because you will, but ride them out and take a few steps forwards again because the wave is only slowing you down not stopping you and that is all down to you and your attitude. Well done x