Book Review – Squashed Possums by Jon Tindale

Reading ranks as one of my favourite past times – at home but mostly when we are away in the caravan. Whether it be outside soaking up the rays in the lounger or inside on a chilly wet day, I love relaxing with a book. Nothing heavy and mostly crime fiction but a do like a good travel yarn too.

Some will know that BC – Before Caravan – we used to travel a lot further afield. Australia was our favourite but we also made it to New Zealand. Size wise it’s more manageable by car and back in the late 90’s we had a wonderful six weeks touring in an old banger stopping at motels along the way.

So a book about caravanning in New Zealand was a must read, although to be clear the caravan featured in the book is no longer a tourer, but now very much a static in the middle of the ‘wop wops’ – or the wilds of the New Zealand countryside.

The author spent a year or so living in the ‘van and his narrative is interweaved with that of the caravan. Yes, you read it right, the caravan tells part of the story. Unusual? Yes, although a number of us on Twitter have been ‘conversing’ with a caravan for a while in the guise of @elvisthelddis.

Ok, so it initially at least may seem a little bizarre to have an inanimate object tell a story but in fact it works very well. You hear about it’s life on the road – while it still had wheels – and some of it’s more eccentric occupiers too. It intersperses well with the authors own recollections of his time in New Zealand and in the ‘van. Particularly in the winter when he has none of the creature comforts that makes modern caravanning so much more enjoyable. Like heating!

You get a bit of history of New Zealand too – clearly a lot of research went in to this book and whilst that was interesting, personally I would have loved to have heard more of the Authors exploits too. Overall though it was an entertaining and informative read and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Jon very kindly sent me the paperback version that you can find on Amazon for – at the time of typing - £4.99, or those with Kindles can download the ebook version for 99p. It is also available from Barnes & Noble.

Five down, one to go.

Nearly there! Just one more week before the half-term break and gawd will I be glad to see it. It’s seemed a long old run since Christmas. Tough having to work 35 weeks a year aint it!

So, what’s been happening in the world of Nonsense! this last couple of weeks? Well, Patsy – our caravan is safely back in storage after the trauma of her annual service. Trauma for my credit card anyway. The suspected delamination of another area of the floor was, as expected just that. What wasn’t expected though was that we’d have to pay for the repair, adding another couple of hundred quid to the bill. Delamination, I was advised, during a frank exchange of views with the service manager, was not covered under the warranty. I pointed out that it was covered the last time it needed doing. “That was done as an act of goodwill” came the reply.”No, that was done, because the ‘van was like that when you sold it to me” I countered. I was tempted to try and find a higher horse to climb on to by knew it would be a waste of time, and as a friend pointed out: when it comes to warranties – if it moves or wears it probably ain’t covered….

So, with all work completed it was time to pick her up and take her the 30 or so miles back to storage. With the dealership still on their winter weekend opening hours – i.e. Saturday mornings – and us busy with another open day at the college, it meant picking her up during the week. So, yes, at the age of 44 it was time for my first er, solo tug……

Hitching up at the dealers was easier that I could have hoped. Yes, I could have asked for help, but was worried I might be presented with another invoice! Patsy was on slight downward slope so it was easy to ease her forward and onto the towball using the handbrake. Utilising a recently learnt trick of wedging the leg winder between the brake pedal and drivers seat to check the lights I was all set. The journey itself nice and straightforward.

Over at the storage yard I contemplated briefly reversing her back into her slot, but with limited space and no-one to spot decided the motor mover would be a better bet.  Having observed numerous arrivals on site in our short time caravanning, I am sure some guys consider that using a motor mover is somehow a dent in the masculinity. Not for me, I’ll take the easy option every time!

The undoubted highlight of the last fortnight (apply your own levels of sarcasm here) was the Open Morning at the school where we were employed to manage the parking and shuttle service. This was for the Senior School and is always well attended. Parking at the school is extremely limited and no vehicles, other than open morning attendees – i.e. potential customers - are allowed on site. Even the resisdents – housemasters and so on have to park elsewhere for the morning. Sadly though, some parents see the school as a handy car park for a saturday mornings shopping expedition in Brighton. We had at least two who, having dropped their kids off for whatever activities they were engaged in, blatantly lied and said they would be attending the open day. They didn’t of course and both sneaked off. One woman in particular dropped off two kids – both at senior school, so that’s aproaching forty grand a year in school fees alone. Another forty grands worth of Audi – and she has lied and decieved – in front of her children – in order to save a few quid in parking fees. What a great example to set. I find it astonshing – but probably shouldn’t. Anyway, the weather was resonably kind to us and everything else went smoothly.

Monday was of course the start of February, which meant ‘Dry January’ was up. Yes, I did manage a whole month without the grog and at the time of typing have still not had a pint – making it 38 days since my last drink, which is probably the longest time ever, since I had my first pint many, many (many) years ago.

Do I feel better for it? Well, physically no. If nothing else I hoped that laying off the grog would help me shed a few pounds, but in the last two weeks I’ve only shifted another pound, so still haven’t got back to under thirteen stone.

Psychologically, though I think it’s done me good, going without. It’s true we’ve not been out as much but when we’ve had I’ve not had a craving for a pint – not much anyway. This is important to me because, I am well aware of my addictive personality. Generally, if I like something I want more, be it a pint, grub or a leather coat! It’s probably just as well I never got into experimenting with drugs as a kid. Both my parents – once very moderate drinkers – became dependent on alcohol after my dad had a massive stroke when he was 46, rendering him severely disabled. He wasn’t a particularly active man but loved his garden and allotment. My mum had to give up her job in a shoe shop – a job she loved - to become his full time carer. The grog became a tool to numb the boredom of a rather stark existance for them both. I was 14 when dad became ill and as I got older went through a few years of spending nearly every night in a pub. I convinced myself that because I wasn’t drinking during the day, the grog didn’t have a hold over me like it did my parents. Nonsense of course.  That’s why I’ve found it important to have some ‘time off’.

Yesterday – Saturday at the time of typing – saw us back in our old home town of Cambridge to visit Trev’s Mum – the frequently mentioned HRH. We drove up Friday night, as soon as I’d finished the school bus run, and whilst the urge was there to get my foot down and get there as soon as possible, I managed to restrain my right foot, and Rosie our eight year old 99,000 mile Honda CRV rewarded us by returning over 50 mpg. With in-law duties complete we returned yesterday afternoon.

So, this time next week, will be up in London, retruning to the Caravan Club site at Crystal Palace. We have no specific plans yet, but I can assure you that ‘research’ will feature prominently, and we hope to get on the London Eye if the skies are clear enough. The London Dungeon was mentioned too – I haven’t been there since I was a kid – although concern was expressed that I might be mistaken for one of the exhibits…….

Three down, three to go

Well, so much for the weekly blog! I did actually start a blog last weekend – but there wasn’t an awful lot to tell, so here it is – the new fortnightly (‘ish?) blog update.

So, we’ve had the first taste of winter down here on the south coast – as wintry as it is likely to get anyway. Hopefully. Temperatures began falling  the week before last although as a result we were blessed with some lovely sunshine and clear blue skies. Normally service was soon resumed though. Mild and wet – and pretty depressing. Monday may have officially been the ‘bluest’ day of the year but for me Friday had a pretty good stab at it.

Last weekend we woke to the first dusting of snow – although by the time we emerged to go and get my school minibus for Monday morning, the roads were clear which was a relief. Yes, it may look pretty but when you’re job involves driving – of any sort – it can be a right royal pain in the arse can’t it? Our minibuses handle well in the dry – remarkably well given their bulk, but put them on an icy road it’s pure guesswork which direction you’re going to go in. And as soon as more than a couple of flakes fall part of my bus route gets shut anyway thanks to a couple of hills. We don’t ‘do’ snow very well down here.

Well, I’m well over  half-way point in my quest for a dry month. It’s been easier than I thought although lime and soda is starting to lose it’s appeal. It’s interesting too how the price varies – I’ve paid as little as 45p for a pint or as much as 2 quid for what is essentially fizzy water with a dash of cordial . I’ve rediscovered my childhood love for cream soda too as a rather bizzarre alternative to a beer in the evenings when  in front of the telly.

The weekend weigh ins havent been  pleasing as I’d hoped. After the first weeks dramatic drop, last week I managed to a pound back on – and this week I’ve stayed the same.  Hopefully it’s only a blip as I ‘ve been taking my morning walks - at least a mile – when the weather has allowed. Of course regular visits to a gym would be the answer, but  no thanks. Been there and done that – a long while ago – and found it so bloody boring.

Last week, the eldest on my bus – who is in the final year of Sixth Form – found out that he has been offered a place at Churchill College, Cambridge after an interview in December. Yes, he has had the benefit of a private education – and a very good one if the league tables are anything to go by – but he has still had to work hard for it, so the very best of luck to him. Well done.

We finally got our Easter holidays planned and booked too. After Twittercamp in Cambridge we are heading up to Ripon in Yorkshire for a week, then down to Buxton in the Peak District for a week before finishing up in Surrey for the last few days. All new sites and places for us, so we’re very much looking forward to them.

Talking of caravanning, Patsy – that’s our caravan for the unititiated – is currently in dock for her annual service. She’s in the last year of her dealer warranty – otherwise I’d get a mobile guy to do it. Not only that but a section fo the floor looks like it’s becoming delaminated – and that’s a warranty job. What isnt is the wheel bearings which apparently need replacing. We’re not at all surprised – the caravan is nearly nine years old and has covered al awful lot of miles in the two years that we’ve had her.

Trev has worked late on the last couple of Wednesday nights so rather than rustle up something at home I called in to Andy’s Deli just up the road in Saltdean’s main shopping street. Andy used to work for the school in security and last October opened his own deli and restaurant. I like to call in when I can not just to support him but because he makes mighty fine pizza and the hot Mexicana is just yummy. Add in reasonably priced great tasting coffee (don’t forget I’m on the wagon!) and delicious ice cream and it’s always well worth a visit. There’s also sandwiches, baguettes and soup on the menu and a great range of cooked meats, cheeses, olives and the like. You’ll also find a huge range of chili based products – from sauces and powders to chocolate and seeds. Andy has done a cracking job and it’s well worth a visit – find him in Longridge Avenue, Saltdean – next door to the Co-Op.

Yesterday was the schools Nursery, Pre-Prep and Prep Open Day. We were engaged as usual to help with parking at the Pre-Prep where Trev is now caretaker. With the palying field out of action due to the recent rain it could have been tricky, accomodating everyone’s cars with the very limited parking spaces that we have but in fact it was uncharacteristictly quiet and everything went smoothly. Next weekend is the Open Day for the Senior School - that is generally a lot busier and with building work due to start and a large area being closed off as a result it is likely to be more of a challenge.

Right that’s it for now. Check back in a week for the next enthralling update. Or fortnight. Maybe”"!